Preparation

So this post was brought on by a specific situation, but it is a problem in general for me.

I like to be prepared: I like to know "when" and "where". I do not think that this is an Aspie issue, but something that most people will recognise.

I also like to know "why", "for how long", "how" and many other things. This bit seems to be just me, although I could be wrong.

Specific situation that made me think up this blog post?

Work related - of course. I get the feeling that all the things that are new or anxiety inducing - and therefore blog-worthy - in the near future, well the majority of them are going to be work related.

In two days, the people in my training group are going to start going on the phones. We aren't going to be fully "Live" (work's jargon for being on the phone and fully trained, able to answer any type of call, and whenever I think the word, I think it with a capital 'L') so I have decided to call what we are when we're on the phones during training "Zombie Live".

Why is going Zombie Live on the phones an issue for me? Because I don't feel prepared.

There is no specific script - just general stuff that we either have to say or can say, stuff we're not allowed to say and stuff we shouldn't say. And most of the things in those categories are generalities not specifics.

I do like me some specifics.

We are learning the stuff necessary to be allowed to answer peoples calls. Like code of conduct, privacy laws, and the basics of the computer system we'll be in. And when I say basics, I mean bare-bones basics. That doesn't bother me too much.I mean, what I know isn't the problem.

What I don't know is.

I always struggle with that interview question: "Can you tell us about a time where you have failed/made a mistake, and what you did to make sure it never happened again?"

And I struggle because I avoid doing things until I know without a doubt that I can do them - in a situation where I feel like I can be judged on my ability.

I mean, if a simple conversation can be both misunderstood and reported back to our teacher so that I get told off for being prejudiced {I will have to get into that more in depth in another post because I really should be getting to sleep soon} then we really are being judged on everything and that is just so much pressure!

Tell us exactly how to do what it is that you want us to do! I just can't help stressing about it!!!

The New Job Dramas

Wow, it has been ages since I posted.

I guess the first thing I should cover is: My previous job (desk job with no customer interaction) has ended, I had a lovely week long stint of unemployment dog sitting for my grandparents and now I have a new job (currently in training but eventually phone/customer service job dealing constantly with customers eight hours a day).

There are a couple of things I need to cover in my post, and they're in no specific order of importance, so I guess I'll just get stuck into it.

Friends/Groups
So, on day one (today being the last day of week one) we sort of fell into a couple of groups - by the way, I'm in a training group so all of us are new all at once, nobody knew anyone else beforehand. At that stage it was a blend of boys versus girls, and this side of the room versus that side of the room, the natural dividing lines for peer groupings in a situation like this (stated not as fact, but my opinion or general observation)

At that stage, I felt like I was at the same stage as everyone else. Mingling (and yes I am an attempted mingler even though I am Aspie - I'm one of the ones who wants to feel included but doesn't know how) and trying to find my place in the group. But still, part of a group.

By now, day five, some of the groups (one in particular) seem well defined. The one that I originally felt a part of, I now feel like an outlier - I'm there and they'll talk to me, but there's something slightly awkward between me and them. Even worse, the group I originally attached to seems to be two orbiting groups which often but not always intertwine - Sub-Group Alpha and Sub-Group Beta I'm going to call them (for the hell of it). I am more Sub-Group Alpha, say, and there are five of us. Two of them have a mutual friend and seem to have bonded over that, and the other two seem to have bonded just over the fact that they sit together - which isn't fair because I sit on the other side of them so why did they bond and I didn't?

But anyway, of my sub group I'm the odd one out, which just pushes me further to the side in the actual group, but the other groups are more firmly formed than ours to the point where they look at me like I'm a space alien if I try to sit with them rather than my group.

So I'm feeling more and more like an outsider.

And I don't know if it's real or imagined.

I Have Forgotten The Other Stuff I wanted To Talk About
Sorry for that. Got stuck on one rant and I'm not yet back into the swing of things as far as blogging goes.

More's the pity.

This is actually the first writing of any kind I've done in ages...

Well I'd better run :)