I suppose I should put a trigger warning in here. I'm not sure how those work but this may at the least allude to self-harm.
I don't like pain when it's on the inside. When it' s my feelings that are tearing me up . When I was little I used to fix that right up. Over ride strong emotional pain with physical pain.
I guess I just have trouble keeping my emotions inside. Happy and I want to flap. Sad and I want to see myself bleed. Just a little bit, just until the pain is on the outside.
My emotions are just... too strong for my body, my mind to handle. Black and white, no shades of grey, one small comment... one stupid confusing comment... can take my happy away and leave me wishing I was strong enough to cut myself.
Or wishing that I wasn't so strong that I can stop myself from cutting. Because maybe if I let go and...
I know that hurting myself isn't the answer. Intellectually at least, I know that.
But I wish it was, because my emotions hurt so much more