Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Wednesday Post #2

 Time for a bit of a b*tch and a moan. Health issues.
Headache. I know this is most likely from dehydration, caused by being a mermaid (in other words, practically living in the sea on the weekend). But it could be the flu, or a cold. That’s going around at work. And the headache is creeping slowly into my sinus region.
And worse is the thudding/clicking/pulsing/I can’t describe it that I have in my ear. I had that before the diving, so it’s not some diving related injury, but it’s still so annoying.
I think its tinnitus. It’s not ringing or most of the sounds described on Wiki (I know, terrible of me to look it up on Wiki) but it is a side effect of Fibromyalgia, which I never knew.  And I do get it every now and then. And it is damn near enough to drive me insane! Melatonin (already taking that, as Tart Cherry Juice every night) and Zinc are suggested cures. I’m going to google zinc deficiency and maybe get some zinc pills after work.
I have to go to the supermarket anyway. I put off going yesterday, but I need food for (at the very least) lunch at work so I’m not spending insane amounts of money and eating unhealthy.
Merm pointed out to me, after she read the book Aspergirls by Rudy Simone, that its important to eat well. I mean, I already knew that, but apparently eating well/eating often is a possible way to ward off those meltdowns. And now that I know that I have meltdowns {hey, I knew I was having some sort of hissy fit, I just never knew that it was a Meltdown, an actual thing} and not only that, but they can be managed, I want to know everything I can about them.
After all, just because I now have a reason for why I’m acting like this doesn’t mean that I always want to be the person in the supermarket yelling at her partner because she doesn’t know the answer to his question (“Do you want chips or wedges for tea?” even something as simple as that) and is starting to fall apart inside her own head.
And I do, sometimes, feel like I’m falling apart in my own head. That is, when I’m not busy feeling like a half-baked loaf of bread. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like, your personality isn’t fully formed – probably due on my part to the “chameleon-like nature” of the female aspergian, I’ve spent so long pretending to be who I’m not, to please people, that I don’t even know who I am… Except I’ve felt that way for years. Back when I met The Aspie Bestie, at 18, I was already questioning my personality and the feeling that I wasn’t quite finished becoming me.
Damnit, I’m getting introspective, and off track (slightly). This wouldn’t be a problem if I was at home, and had all the time to get depressed about things {and the “not fully baked personality” problem is one that I can and do get depressed about if I think about it too much} but I’m not. So quick! I have to start thinking about something else.

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