Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Eye Contact

I can make eye contact. Just thought I’d bring that up. I can make eye contact and it isn’t “painful”.
I’ve been – for the purpose of the story I’m going to write (haven’t started yet but will be starting shortly) – googling “why won’t people with Aspergers make eye contact?” because while I can make eye contact, I do know that there is some sort of conflict with it. I’ve watched, fascinated, as people make their gaze slide away from making eye contact – and I do mean ‘slide’.
But the search results I pulled up irritated me more than anything else. I know, my fault for google searching, but how else am I supposed to find things out?
One woman mentioned that people don’t think she’s Aspergers simply because she can make eye contact, and another got asked “can you do it when you’re drunk? People with Aspergers still have Aspergers when they’re drunk.”
I can make eye contact, but I also don’t sometimes. With my old counsellor (who was useless) I would stare off into a corner of the room while talking. But I have less issue with making eye contact than there are just some people I don’t want to have to look at – not an aesthetic thing more of a psychic sense that I don’t want to or need to look at them. In those cases I have issues forcing myself to make contact and “faking it”. And in emotional issues I may have problems making eye contact.
It still doesn’t hurt, or feel like my soul is being stolen. Sometimes I feel like I can’t hear a person if they’re at the very least facing me, and sometimes I feel upset if people don’t look me in the eye or face.
And yes, I still have Aspergers when I’m drunk. But I’m also different, in different ways.

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